The sun was coming up, and Sam Juan still hadn’t slept. In a brief moment of clarity, she could see what drugs and alcohol were helping her avoid. Getting sober would take longer than that morning, and it would mean rebuilding much of the life she’d made after the Army.
On Day 4 of The MisFitNation Veterans Week, Jake Holland sits down with U.S. Army veteran, writer, and artist Samantha “Sam” Juan for a Veterans Day conversation about what it takes to come home from war when your body is still braced for it.
Sam enlisted in high school and started as an Army cook. After earning U.S. citizenship, she retrained as a signals intelligence analyst and became one of the first women selected for the Army’s Cultural Support Team program in 2011. She went on to lead a team attached to Joint Special Operations Command in Afghanistan. The Bronze Star recipient and Pat Tillman Scholar explains how a habit she learned in an abusive childhood—disconnecting from what she felt—helped her stay composed under pressure and made it harder to recognize when she needed help.
Sam speaks candidly about relapse, changing the routines and relationships that kept pulling her back, and her personal experience with psychedelic therapy. She also talks about motherhood, returning to painting, and writing her memoir, *Everything Happens for You*. One question guided her as she decided which stories she was ready to tell: “Am I writing from the wound or the scar?”
When Jake asks what the difference between surviving and living looks like on a regular Wednesday, Sam’s answer is simple. She can be there for the small moments she used to rush past.
Follow The MisFitNation on Spotify or Apple Podcasts for more conversations about life after military service.
Explore Sam’s artwork, speaking, and memoir updates at https://www.the1samjuan.com.
Watch the full Veterans Day interview on YouTube at https://youtube.com/live/l2wdhHyPSr8
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